I've had it only occasionally for years, though whether it's been two years or seven, I couldn't tell you. It's always the same.

I'm outside, alone, not far from the house. Last night I was on the back porch at my grandma Teed's old trailer. Off in the distance, I see him - one lone lion. He's always huge, and he's always partially hidden...by weeds, brush, a building. Last night I could only see the top of his back and head moving through the weeds, as if he was on an African savannah instead of my grandparents' farmland.

As soon as I see him, I'm terrified, and I turn to run. I know he's coming behind me. He never growls, he never roars, we never make eye contact and I never, EVER turn around. I run to the house, where I'm shaking so badly that I can't get the door open. Every single time. I can't grip the knob, I can't turn it, my hands are sweaty. I have to stand completely still, not even breathing, to steady my nerves enough to get the door open. In the back of my mind, I know he's coming. I can't hear him, can't feel him, but I know he's there, and even then, I don't turn around. I just know I have to get inside, and I'm afraid if I turn around, I'll be too scared to move again.

Finally - FINALLY - the knob turns. I make it in the door and manage to get it closed just before he reaches me. He doesn't growl or push on the door, he just walks. Around my house. I see him through the open windows, walking...walking...

I always know this is a dream. Whenever the lion appears for the first time, I recognize it and will myself to wake up. Sometimes it takes a while. It usually happens about now, once I'm inside. But last night there was a twist that turned my blood to ice.

I lost sight of the lion in the window, and when I peeked outside, he was heading toward the middle of my grandparents' lawn, where Isabella's tiny purple Dora backpack was lying in the yard. He sniffed around it, pawing it, and though her physical body wasn't there, the symbolism was staggering. I felt so utterly terrified, and helpless...her backpack was too far away. I could never get it.

And I woke up. Once I have one of those dreams, I don't go back to sleep.

I've always thought it was important to know what things like that mean. Sometimes our dreams are nothing more than a collection of random memories and thoughts from our day; usually I don't dream at all. But sometimes, they have meaning, and I know this is one of those dreams. I used to have dreams about my hair and teeth falling out. It wasn't scary, but it was creepy. When I learned that it often means you're afraid of old age, I went, "Huh. That's true." And I haven't had them since. Knowledge is power...at least sometimes.

But this one is perplexing. According to standard dream interpretation, lions are usually good - they symbolize power, strength and loyalty. Seeing one in a dream is an omen of greatness; being attacked by one can mean that you have obstacles to overcome before you achieve that greatness. But it doesn't have to mean that. And I think it's significant that MY lion never attacks, never growls, never hurts me. The truth is, since I never turn around and look at him, I don't know what he's doing. I always assume he's chasing me because that's what I'm afraid of, and fear is a powerful motivator.

And I don't know why Isabella was in this last one, but it scared me more than I can say.

There is a (small) possibility that Josh could get a promotion and raise at his work; I say "small" because there are so many "ifs" in the equation. His boss is currently in the runing for a different job with another hospital, and IF he is able to get it, then he wants to push the admin to promote Josh as the new Plant Ops Manager. However, the other "IF" is that this particular hospital tends to fill in admin vacancies with people from other branches of their company, so we just don't know if they would be willing to do that. A couple points in Josh's favor - he would have his boss' support and access to his knowledge after he takes over (and his boss has made it fairly clear that any other candidate would NOT be allowed those same privileges), and since they wouldn't have to pay Josh as much as a veteran manager, it might be an incentive in their budget to hire a newbie.

If he was able to get this, it would be so outstanding. For one thing, he's have a regular, daytime schedule again. (Right now he still shifts back and forth between days and nights and it is SO rough on his body.) Also, he'd get enough of a pay raise that we could stop USING our savings every month and actually start saving again. My goodness, I can't even tell you how enticing that is.

Please pray for this with us. I can't describe how we're hoping that this works out....

Last fall when we went to Hawaii, I thought I had taken a book of stamps with us to mail some postcards to some people. When we got back from the trip, I could not find them anywhere, and I couldn't recall seeing them at all while we were there. I looked through all of our luggage - every pocket and crevice - and decided I must have left them at home, so I looked in every place they could logically be. They weren't in the drawer where they belonged, nor were they on my desk, in the magnetic box on the refrigerator or stuck in any of the notebooks I keep lying around.

I was totally bummed. It was a new book of stamps and I absolutely hated losing that nine dollars.

At Christmas time, I was sending out cards with pictures of Isabella in them. My budget allowed for forty cards to be sent, but I found that I had about sixty people on my list that I wanted to send. I stuck to my budget, though, and chose the top forty, in the back of my mind still peeved about losing a whole book of stamps and wishing I had it now.

That night I had a dream. I was trying to open the bottom drawer of my desk organizer, but something was stuck. When I bent to look at what it was, there was a book of stamps (sunflowers - just like the ones I had lost) caught on the drawer above it. As I pulled the drawer open, the stamps slid over the drawer and fell into the opening behind it. The dream ended there.

The next morning I woke up and thought, "Well, I didn't think of looking BEHIND the drawer." I pulled it out, and there it was - my missing book of stamps. I used it to send the extra Christmas cards that I had wanted to send.

I never actually prayed to find that book of stamps - didn't think of it - but God knew that it was a desire of my heart, and he led me to those stamps. Wonderful, and totally weird. It reminds me that even when there are a lot of unknowns in my life, God cares so much about me that even the tiny and unimportant things matter to him.